Narcissistic abuse is a type of emotional abuse where the abuser only cares about themselves and may use words and actions to manipulate their partner's behavior and emotional state.
Effects of narcissistic abuse can vary depending on how long one can endure these types of relationships. The effects range from mild to severe, with some survivors recovering while others may sustain lifelong damage. Here's how narcissistic abuse can impact your life.
Anxiety
Many narcissistic abuse survivors live with anxiety. After experiencing narcissistic abuse, you may experience extreme fear or anxiety in relationships with new people. Those who leave abusive relationships may experience separation anxiety, leading them to feel panicked and disoriented when they're not with their abusers.
If your symptoms include anxiety attacks, panic attacks, or hypervigilance after being abused by a narcissist, know that these symptoms will ease over time, particularly if you can work through your trauma with a professional.
Depression
Many people who have experienced narcissistic abuse also develop depression. Survivors often struggle with feelings of worthlessness after months or years of being told how useless and stupid they are by their abuser. After years of being manipulated and gaslighted, you may also isolate yourself, which can make feelings of depression worse.
Post-Traumatic Stress
As a narcissistic abuse survivor, you will likely have symptoms of post-traumatic stress. Your brain will be on high alert, looking out for danger. This is because the traumatic events triggered a fight or flight response within you. As a result, anything associated with those memories can trigger an anxiety attack.
After experiencing narcissistic abuse, you may feel the need to be on guard 24/7. Victims of narcissists often mention that they never knew what their abuser was going to do next. You may struggle to relax because of chronic hypervigilance and expecting them (the abuser) to be around every corner.
You may also steer clear of certain situations or things that remind you of the abuse. This can range from avoiding certain places or particular people.
Loss of Sense of Self and Self-Worth
You may feel as if you have completely lost yourself. Narcissistic abuse is a form of brainwashing, and as such, it can destroy your sense of self-worth. You may no longer feel like the person you were before all this began.
In many cases, those who have experienced narcissistic abuse will struggle to recognize themselves in the mirror because they no longer see their true reflection staring back at them.
You may also have trust issues with other people (especially those closest to you), and constantly find yourself doubting or second-guessing yourself.
You may begin to feel like you are not good enough or that you did something to cause the abuse in the first place. This can lead to shame and embarrassment, which may often stop you from reaching out for help.
You may also have trouble making decisions. You may get confused by simple decisions, or you might feel unable to make any decision at all.
Narcissistic abusers will often try to derail your goals and aspirations. They want to control everything about you, down to the activities that made up who you were as a person.
Inability to Forgive Yourself
After experiencing narcissistic abuse, many victims struggle with feeling unworthy or believing that they deserve how the narcissist treated them. It may feel like there must be something inherently wrong with you if someone who was supposed to love you unconditionally used their power against you in such cruel ways. You might struggle with low self-esteem and believe that the narcissistic abuser would have treated you better if only you had done things differently.
You may also have trouble focusing on your goals and dreams. This could be because you're still preoccupied with thoughts of what happened to you. Or, it could be that your sense of self-worth is so damaged, it's difficult for you to believe that anything good can happen in your life anymore.
Physical Symptoms
After experiencing narcissistic abuse, you may live with physical symptoms, including headaches, stomachaches, or body aches. You may also have difficulty sleeping after experiencing narcissistic abuse. You may be stressed about what happened and find it difficult to shut off your brain at night. Or, you could end up having nightmares that haunt you for days afterward.
Cognitive Problems
After narcissistic abuse, it may become difficult for you to concentrate on everyday tasks, such as completing work or just watching TV. Memories of traumatic events are known to interfere with concentration and focus. You may experience memory loss, especially short-term. This is because the brain releases a surge of stress hormones when traumatized, affecting the hippocampus region in your brain.
Emotional Lability
After going through a traumatic event such as narcissistic abuse, it's common to suffer sudden mood swings accompanied by irritability. Or, you may find yourself feeling emotionless and like a robot. You might experience depersonalization where it feels as if everything around you is not accurate.
You might even feel the need to exact revenge against your abuser. But this hatred towards them only creates more stress and anxiety, which perpetuates mental health problems.
Effects on Children
If you have children who witnessed narcissistic abuse, they could also be at risk of developing mental health problems such as PTSD, anxiety disorders, or depression. They might become fearful in situations that remind them of their traumatic experiences. They might also feel angry at your spouse or the world, feel disconnected from other people, or have low self-esteem or confidence issues.
Loss of Self-Worth
After experiencing narcissistic abuse, you might feel like you don't even know yourself anymore. You could start questioning your self-worth, have trust issues with other people (especially those closest to you), and constantly find yourself doubting or second-guessing yourself.
You may begin to feel like you are not good enough or that you did something to cause the abuse in the first place. This can lead to shame and embarrassment, which may often stop you from reaching out for help.
You may also have trouble making decisions due to a lack of self-worth. You may get confused by simple decisions, or you might feel unable to make any decision at all.
Stuck in a Cycle
After experiencing narcissistic abuse, many people find themselves stuck in a cycle where their abuser continues to contact them after the relationship has ended.
They may act nice (also called hoovering) in an attempt to get you back, issue threats, or attempt to manipulate you by making you feel sorry for them. This can be a tactic used by narcissists to keep their victims trapped in the cycle of abuse.
Trust Issues
After experiencing narcissistic abuse, your trust levels will likely be very low. While this can seem like a good thing (in some ways), it could also hinder your future relationships. This issue may lead to other problems such as social anxiety.
You might find yourself constantly wondering whether people are being truthful with you or if they are just manipulating your emotions to get what they want. You may become hypervigilant and overly sensitive to criticism or judgment from others due to the fear of being betrayed yet again.
You may struggle with trust issues in all aspects of your life, including personal relationships, friendships, work interactions, or even contact with family members. You may also experience insecure attachment, which means that you may constantly feel that people will leave or betray you.
People Pleasing
You may become a people pleaser and try to make people like you. You may become overly accommodating to get approval from others after having had to walk on eggshells for so long. You might struggle with expressing your emotions and thoughts after narcissistic abuse because of the fear of being judged for what you say. To avoid confrontation from a narcissist abuser, you likely bottled up your feelings.
Self-Destructive Habits
Another effect of narcissistic abuse can be self-destructive habits. People who have been in relationships with narcissists often feel the need to punish themselves because they may feel as though they were at fault for their partner's bad behavior toward them.
You may experience problems with addiction such as drinking, smoking, and even food addiction or overspending. These addictions may be a way to numb emotional pain.
How to Heal From Narcissistic Abuse
Narcissistic abuse has the potential to destroy the foundation of most people's lives irreparably. It takes time and energy to heal from betrayal, heartbreak, gaslighting, and financial losses caused by an abusive partner. What's more, you may have lost friends and family members along the way due to self-isolation. If you are struggling, it's important to find ways to heal. Below are some suggestions
- Recognize and accept your feelings. You may experience a range of emotions such as grief, depression, anger, and anxiety. Whatever you are feeling is valid, and it's important not to suppress those feelings or judge yourself for having them.
- Educate yourself. Learn the traits of a narcissist and what constitutes narcissistic abuse to more easily recognize when you are being manipulated.
- Join a support group. There are many communities on the internet and in real life for people who have had similar experiences. You may find it therapeutic to interact with others who understand exactly what you're going through and can offer tips and advice to help you cope.
- Reach out to a therapist or counselor. A therapist can help equip you with tools to cope with and heal from narcissistic abuse in a safe and non-judgmental space.
- Practice self-care. When your self-esteem has taken a hit, it's easy to feel like you don't deserve anything good for yourself. However, that couldn't be further from the truth. It's essential to take care of yourself. Make sure you're getting enough sleep, eating healthy food, and engaging in activities that you find enjoyable.
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A Word From Verywell
After being involved with someone narcissistic, you may find yourself developing one or more of these effects. You've likely developed some negative coping mechanisms, including people-pleasing behaviors and/or self-destructive habits after experiencing such an ordeal. These are common responses among those who go through situations like this, so know that there is nothing unusual about feeling the way you do.
If you or a loved one are a victim of domestic violence, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for confidential assistance from trained advocates.
For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database.
How to Find a Narcissistic Abuse Support Group
FAQs
What are the damaging effects of narcissistic abuse? ›
Anxiety and depression commonly develop as a result of narcissistic abuse. The significant stress you face can trigger persistent feelings of worry, nervousness, and fear, especially when you never know what to expect from their behavior.
What is the aftermath of narcissistic abuse? ›Narcissistic abuse is insidious and can cause lasting effects like low self-esteem, trust issues, self-doubt, grief, depression, and anxiety. With time and treatment, it's possible to heal and overcome these issues, recovering parts of yourself and your life that were lost to the abuser.
What does a victim of narcissistic abuse look like? ›People with NPD have low empathy and see others as beneath them, which can lead to harmful, toxic, abusive behaviors. Narcissistic abuse can be incredibly difficult to endure. Someone with NPD may use insults, threats, and accusations to manipulate you into doing what they want.
What are long-term effects of narcissist? ›Living or working with a narcissistic person can be incredibly challenging, often leading to feelings of inadequacy, self doubt, and anxiety. In more extreme cases, exposure to a narcissist can lead to clinical depression from the emotional abuse and torment a person has had to endure.
What does narcissist do to the brain? ›NPD Brains Work Differently
According to research, people with narcissistic personality disorder have reduced gray matter volume in areas of the brain related to empathy and increased activity on baseline images in brain regions associated with self-directed and self-absorbed thinking.
Victims of narcissistic abuse have been reported to experience symptoms similar to PTSD, known informally as narcissistic abuse syndrome. Symptoms include intrusive, invasive, or unwanted thoughts, flashbacks, avoidance, feelings of loneliness, isolation, and feeling extremely alert.
How do you recover from trauma of narcissistic abuse? ›- Paying attention to your stress level.
- Getting enough sleep.
- Eating healthy.
- Taking the time to do things you enjoy.
- Connecting or reconnecting with people in your life who are positive.
- Getting physical activity in your day.
- Using the coping skills you learn in therapy to help you manage your relationships.
Narcissistic victim syndrome occurs when someone has lived with or spent a significant amount of time with a person classified as a narcissist. People struggling with this syndrome often have doubts about their sanity and self-worth and have concerns about their failures, flaws, and perceived shortcomings.
How long can it take to heal from narcissistic abuse? ›Recovering from narcissistic abuse takes time, so you will have to remain patient. This process could take months or even years, but it's worth all of the hard work and effort. You can and will move on to find healthier and happier connections with others.
What are typical behaviors of narcissistic abuse survivors? ›The aftermath of narcissistic abuse can include depression, anxiety, hypervigilance, a pervasive sense of toxic shame, emotional flashbacks that regress the victim back to the abusive incidents, and overwhelming feelings of helplessness and worthlessness.
What signs might a person show if they are being emotionally abused by a narcissist? ›
- Controlling behavior.
- Self-focus.
- Gaslighting.
- Social isolation.
- Creating mistrust for those outside the relationship.
- Digital invasions of privacy.
- Verbal abuse.
- Threats of physical violence.
The narcissist will start discounting doctors, minimizing the effects of the illness, and parading others around with similar illnesses in an effort to shame their spouse into believing that the sickness is only a mental manifestation of the spouses weakness.
What is the most extreme form of narcissism? ›Malignant narcissism is a personality type that causes extreme narcissism, aggression, and, sometimes, abuse of others. A person may use manipulative means or violence to enhance their own sense of wellbeing.
Do narcissistic traits get worse with age? ›The belief that one is smarter, better looking, more successful and more deserving than others — a personality trait known as narcissism — tends to wane as a person matures, a new study confirms. But not for everyone, and not to the same extent.
What does a long term relationship with a narcissist look like? ›Narcissistic partners act as if they are always right, that they know better and that their partner is wrong or incompetent. This often leaves the other person in the relationship either angry and trying to defend themselves or identifying with this negative self-image and feeling badly about themselves.
What part of the brain is damaged in a narcissist? ›Narcissistic traits have been linked to structural and functional brain networks, including the insular cortex, however, with inconsistent findings. In this study, we tested the hypothesis that subclinical narcissism is associated with variations in regional brain volumes in insular and prefrontal areas.
What is the weakness of narcissist? ›A monumental weakness in the narcissist is the failure to look internally and flesh out what needs to be worked on. Then, of course, the next step is to spend time improving. The narcissist sabotages any possibility of looking deep within.
Can your brain recover from narcissistic abuse? ›Narcissistic abuse changes your brain
But, there is hope. There are reparative activities you can do to restore and rebuild your hippocampus and stop the hijacking of your psyche by your amygdala.
Narcissists also gaslight or practice master manipulation, weakening and destabilizing their victims; finally, they utilize positive and negative emotions or moments to trick others. When a narcissist can't control you, they'll likely feel threatened, react with anger, and they might even start threatening you.
Why narcissist abuse those they love? ›According to Tanya, “Narcissistic abuse is about power and control,” which “can be verbal, emotional, psychological, financial, sexual, and/or physical.” Often, a Narcissist suffers from feeling a lack of control in their life, so they try to control the people around them.
Can narcissistic abuse cause PTSD? ›
Recovery after a breakup with a toxic narcissist can be hard to do. Psychological trauma from their abuse will not just go away. In fact, this type of abuse can cause long lasting post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD.
How does a narcissist traumatize you? ›Through ongoing gaslighting and demeaning of the partner, the narcissist undermines the individual's self-worth and self-confidence, creating extreme emotional abuse that is constant and devastating.
What is the pain of narcissistic abuse? ›After the break-up, people will experience an obsessive longing for their abusive partner (drug), debilitating emotional pain, and often engage in self-destructive behavior. This emotional response is why some people feel incapacitated by the hurt and obsess about hooking up with an ex-partner for more abuse.
What is cognitive dissonance from narcissistic abuse? ›Cognitive dissonance as defined by google is: “Cognitive dissonance, or having two very different beliefs about something at the same time, is common in relationships with narcissists. Signs of cognitive dissonance include being paralyzed by self-doubt, second-guessing your decisions, constantly apologizing, and more.”
How does being with a narcissist affect your body mind and soul? ›Life with a narcissist can be extremely stressful, leading to depression or anxiety. It can also make you physically sick. You may feel it in the pit of your stomach.